i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
