i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
