i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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