I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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