i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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