I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
