Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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