Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who died my cat blue again?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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