respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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