its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize