if i died would you start the facebook group?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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