Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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