I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
