My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
