sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
