my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
