Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
