"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
