He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
