There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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