Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
