i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
