if you like me you must not know who I am
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
