I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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