You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
