you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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