Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
