We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
