Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize