dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
