im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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