so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
