I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize