I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
