Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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