Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
