I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
