When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
