Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
