she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
