Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize