nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
