Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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