i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
