my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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