And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
