Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
