Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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