Already got asked if we're dating
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize