the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
