One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
