i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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