I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
