what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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