It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
