...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
