Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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