planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
