When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Mom said you looked used
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
