I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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