You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
