My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
