i was born a porn star she said
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize