Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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