I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
